Monday, January 27, 2014

Our Journey to Parenthood: He Missed the Cup

(WARNING: This can get graphic so if you are easily offended, STOP READING HERE!)

Huh...wait. What? You read correctly; hubby missed the cup.

If you and your partner have ever been through fertility treatments, you know that the accommodations are not always as comfy and cozy as you would hope. Hubby and I were under the impression that there would be a TV, reading/media material, a lounge chair of some sort and an electrical outlet to plug in a laptop if you chose to bring your own "material." That wasn't the case. 

Not. even. close.

Let me set the scene for you: hubby was in the men's room. That's it. A single stall men's bathroom with a poor excuse of a "lounge area" that had a bench. It was some sort of medical bench with a thin sheet of tissue paper that is reminiscent of what you find when you go to the doctor and hop up on the exam table. Sexy...

So, he could either bang one out on the medical bench or the toilet. Choices, choices. It is a difficult, nerve racking and uncomfortable process as it is…give the guys a little comfort huh?! We know you have the money since these treatments cost as much as a new car!

So, no material but thank goodness he brought his laptop with his own material on it. Hubby had been "saving up" for the past 3 days so he was ready to burst. As the time came for the completion of the task, the angle at which he was sitting on the medical bench in conjunction with the circumference of the specimen cup was such that he found himself in a lateral position making it almost impossible to allow gravity to keep the sample in the cup. You get what I'm saying, right?

25% in the cup and 75% on the floor.

As panic entered the room because now he needs to crank out #2, he notices the red flashing light on the laptop indicating he had less than 5 minutes of battery time left. Thank goodness that he had enough material lodged into his long term memory bank that he was able to complete the task after all.

As I heard the garage door open up, out came a tired and defeated looking hubby. I knew something went awry since he was gone way too long. When he told me the story in a far more graphic detail than what I put on this page, I could not help but laugh until I cried…and pee a little.

Thanks for reading,

p.s. In case you are thinking "I cannot believe she blogged about this", I got permission from hubby to blast this all over the world wide web.


  1. Our facility allows you (and by you, I mean him) to whip up a fresh batch there or bring in some collected within the last 2 hours. Option 2 is my husband's choice as the space provided isn't quite as sterile as what you described and who knows how clean that recliner is...

  2. I thought about asking the doc if he could do it at home but just lost focus…but thank you for the suggestion!

  3. I can picture it. Poor lad. We were lucky for more comfortable accommodations. Hope the right ones make it on time and on target even though their compatriots only made it to the floor.


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