For the past few months, I have not had the motivation to blog. I think this situation has given me a jump start. I hate to have to start back up blogging with such a rant but…well…it is what it is:
Is this your first? How old are you? Are you going to have any more?? What I would really like to say is "what the fuck is wrong with you" but I can't…at least not right now. Who knows what the next time will bring...
Why would you, a complete stranger, ask me that? You don't know me or my situation. Were you ever inside my body? Do you know what it was like to hurt so badly because you could not give your husband a child? Do you know what countless bottles of cough medicine tasted like because an old wives tale said it would help you conceive? Have you ever stood against a wall on your head to ensure the sperm would travel where it needed to go? How about elevating your legs until they went numb because someone said that method worked for them? Spending a boatload of money on countless herbal pills, teas and supplements with no results and sometimes a very upset stomach and headache...
Do you know how painful it was each month to go through stage IV endometriosis and be told there is a very high chance you will never have a baby unless you spend $25k on IVF with no guarantee it will even work? If you do, I feel for you. If you don't, mind your business. My family and friends have been the most loving and supportive people throughout this event and have NEVER asked me this question yet a stranger feels it is ok to ask such a personal and intrusive question?
Now that the long answer is out there, here is the short answer: I am not sure if we will have another baby. Now stop fucking asking me.
|Eva at 3 months|
I wish everyone could experience the complete joy I felt the moment I became a parent. Sadly, I know that is not possible for everyone. At the end of the day when I am alone with my thoughts, I quietly say a prayer for all of those who struggle with infertility. Those who are repeatedly told "nothing is wrong with you" but cannot seem to get pregnant and leave the doctors office without answers. Couples who have broken up over infertility. Women who feel "less of a woman" because they cannot get pregnant. I feel for all of you…I truly do.
Thanks for reading (and letting me rant),